Because I'm Curious Why
by ThatOneGoodWriter
Summary: A break up. Its effects. Clace. Snippet: [That's all. I'm leaving. It's over. Whatever we had, it's clearly gone now. You must have noticed, babe. We weren't gonna last. No one will. I won't end it with an I love you because I truly don't and it would be lying. Stay strong. Jace Herondale x]
1. Chapter 1

" _Like some wines our love could neither mature nor travel."_

Graham Greene

 **Prologue**

"You stupid asshole! You never listen to me. Maybe if you did, we wouldn't be doing this now!" She shouted, clutching the jacket she was wearing. Her heart was beating wildly, her nostrils flared angrily.

He raked a hand through his hair in frustration, resolve gone. "Oh, fuck you Clary. Fuck you. We're always like this. But I'm the damn dog that comes and says sorry." He wanted to throw the vase that was sitting on the table across the wall. He wanted the shards of glass to shatter. He turned to look at her, biting his tongue. His words hurt. They always did. His weapon were words. Words that packed a punch. She was standing there, her face emotionless but he could tell that she had things to say. There was never a time she didn't. Her hair was cut short, below her ears but in messy tangles. Her freckles were finally displayed, the orange dots dusting her pale face. Her eyes were so intense. The greens mixing with light shades of blue. She was beautiful.

"Who the hell said that? You know what? I'm tired. I'm tired of us fighting." She said, her voice lowering drastically.

"And I'm not?" His fingers were trembling.

She was staring at the ground. "How can you live with yourself? You never visit me. Ever. Not anymore anyway."

His eyebrows knit at the change in topic. It took him some time to form words. He swallowed. "You know what I have to do. I have a job."

He hit a cord at that. Her face flung forward, a scowl plastered on her lips. "I work too! But I come early to see your goddamned face!"

Something struck in his chest and he shut his eyes for a moment. "The hell you do. I fucking missed meetings for you. I do everything I can to see you smile!"

She was shaking her head now, pacing around the apartment floor. "I don't give a shit. I don't. I'm leaving."

He grabbed her arm as she whirled to the door. She stopped, not wanting to see his expression. "Where to?"

"The bar so I can fuck some guys." She replied sarcastically, tone harsh. "To Isabelle. At least she cares."

He let go of her arm as if it stung and watched as she forgot to grab her purse and stomped out of the room, the door following suit. He felt hollow. His fists uncurled slowly. The blood drained from his face. He came to a realization. They were always like this. Fighting. Arguing. Drinking beer to calm their nerves. It never worked. Nothing did. Hunched over, he padded into their bedroom and tugged out his bag from under a cabinet. Inside something was churning. He only heard one voice in his head. His. He gathered piles of his clothes, his cologne, the one she loved, and several of his books. That was it. That was probably all he needed. Scanning the space around him, he remembered what had occurred in the time he spent there. Hugging Clary. Watching as she cried because she failed her exam. Her first time. Telling a story while she slumbered. Everything looked so far away. So unreachable.

He ripped a paper from a random notebook of hers and scribbled something onto it quickly.

 _I'm not gonna start with cheesy crap. I guess I'll say I'm sorry. That's all. I'm leaving. It's over. Whatever we had, it's clearly gone now. You must have noticed, babe. We weren't gonna last. No one will. I won't end it with an I love you because I truly don't and it would be lying. Stay strong._

 _Jace Herondale x_

Placing the short letter on her pillow, he sucked in a heavy breath and walked away from the place they both called home. But maybe home wasn't a place, he thought as the cold air of New York tore through his thin hoodie. Maybe it was a feeling.

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	2. Chapter 2

" _Sharp are the arrows of a broken heart."_

Cassandra Clare

 **Chapter One:**

She was a mess. A sad old mess. She was so vulnerable. She came to my house like a kicked puppy. Lonely and heart broken. I immediately hugged her. I knew of all the problems she had with my step brother. I also knew they had potential to be a real couple which was why I continued throughout high school and college reassuring her that they were the perfect pair. And they seemed to be. At first, anyway. Then things got a little rough. Jace's job left him little room to see Clary. Clary didn't mind though. She was always happy. Even when her boyfriend wouldn't come home for the coming two days or even three. She would tell me, her green eyes glistening with joy, "He's working hard. It's his job. It must be important." And I would stop complaining, a smile returning to my lips at the content of my close friend.

Yet I also knew Jace. I knew him like the stripes on my favorite dress. Memorized. He was a tough guy. He was never really emotional. Never showing much besides sarcasm and anger. He was a ball of fire ready to burst. That was until Clary met him. She told him plenty of jokes and he laughed at them. Like, actually laughed. I knew my step brother was attractive but he appeared much more beautiful when he was smiling at the things she told him. I knew she was his weakness. We never got along, me and Jace. We were sort of opposites. He, a drinking hockey player and me, a not-so-girlish party girl. But we were family and nothing could separate us. Well...except Clary. She did sometimes. Not on purpose. I usually consoled her and trusted her story whenever the couple had fights which caused a rift between Jace and I. I didn't want that to occur so I suggested therapy. They both thought it was outrageous. It was ironic considering they both couldn't agree on one thing.

Soon the arguments and confrontations grew more frequent. More shouting. On Jace's part mostly. His job was keeping him away. He had stopped showing affection towards Clary and that made a nerve in my body flinch. That wasn't acceptable. I marched into his room one night and talked to him. His hands covered his face. He was wearing the same clothes from the day before. "I swear I don't mean to do it." He told me, his voice muffled. And when I was silent, he continued. "If you're here to yell at me, do it now. Tell me I'm a bad person. Tell me I'm being stupid. Tell me all that crap." But I didn't. I just left him in silence. He was in pain too, I realized with a jerk. I didn't know what to do at that point. Clary would come to me crying and I would embrace her, handing her a cup of tea in hopes she would calm down. It was going out of control.

Simon was getting tired too. He was exhausted. He was angry that Jace would not listen to Clary's needs. He was sad that I had to be the one in the middle. That's when I knew it was enough. That that was the limit. The line that would not be crossed.

"Clare, do you need anything?" I asked, staring down at the bundle of blankets that covered the small body on my living room couch. She barely moved.

"No." I heard her say. Her voice was extremely weak.

I frowned, pushing my hair back. "Do you want anything to eat? You haven-"

She stopped me, pulling the covers away from her face. "I don't need anything Iz. Just let me be here. Please." And I was too kind so I let her, nodding numbly. She just needed time to get over Jace.

I didn't know where he was. I didn't know what he planned to do. All I knew was that he was continuing his career. I called him but it led to a dead end. He must have changed his phone number. It felt like my younger brother had disappeared from the face of the Earth and I was left with a broken friend who could not believe he didn't want her. It was confusing really. All of the issues that circled around them. They were so loving. So beautiful together.

I clicked on the television once and watched his team, the Edmonton Oilers. I watched them knowing I would see his number. 21. They won the game, 3-2. I enjoyed hockey and I loved seeing him play. There was an interview at the end. It was with him. Sweat was plastered on his hair but he wore a tired smile on his face. I knew it was genuine. "I really think we can make it this year. It's been hard but the wait has been worth it." Then he was off to the locker room, joining the rest of his team mates. What I didn't know was that Clary had just come out of the bathroom, her red hair still wild but wet. She was staring at the black screen, biting her bottom lip. I instantly apologized but she shook her head and walked into her bedroom.

I cried that night, Simon rubbing circles onto my back. "I don't know what to do, Si. It's tearing me apart." He murmured a few words and kissed me with so much passion I almost forgot about what got me frustrated in the first place. Almost.

The next week Clary decided to leave. I urged her to stay, wanting her to feel better over time. She gave me a hesitant smile. One I didn't trust. She had a small bag with her. Probably filled with pieces of clothing. That was all she had. "Where are you going to live?" I wondered if she was going back to his apartment.

She looked thoughtful and then her eyes creased, dimples displaying. "I think...I'll do what I wanted to do when I was a kid." And she gave me a deep embrace, kissing me on the cheek for all the help I had given her. And then she was gone leaving a flurry of emotions behind.

She didn't have a phone so Simon and I could not contact her but I had a feeling she was doing alright. Jace was leading in points for the team, poised to defeat his rival opponent in the coming games. He did call me. A month later but I wasn't angry. I was just glad he hadn't forgotten his older sis. He talked about hockey and how he was so close. How he could feel it. He apologized for not speaking to her. He told me he wanted to get Clary off his mind. He said he didn't want her. He wanted to erase her. And I just told him I missed hearing his voice. I cried to him. He promised to visit us as soon as the next break would come. My heart swelled at the thought. And then I said goodbye knowing it would be a long time before I would see him again.

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	3. Chapter 3

_Dear Isabelle,_

 _Sorry for taking so long to give you news about what I'm doing. I miss you guys. Tell Simon I love him and that I'm okay. Seriously. I'm actually in London at the moment. I'm staying with someone for a couple of days so you can't really send anything back. But don't worry Iz, I'll be sending you letters soon. I'm coming to visit too! It feels like a long time even though its only been a year and a half. I feel older, y'know? I guess you might not understand. It's a long story. After I left your place, I went to display my art for the first time. I was so nervous. I was afraid I would be rejected by everyone even the judges. So I worked harder. I finally went to those art classes you told me I should take. They helped. They really did._

 _Guess what? I've sold over sixteen paintings already. It's a huge success, don't you think? I grew out my hair. I know you liked my short hair but now it reaches down my shoulders. I think I sort of like it. How are you guys? I hope everyone's fine. I wonder when you and Simon will get married. I'm kind of waiting to be your bridesmaid. Haha. Just kidding. Not kidding. Forget I said that. I think I'm just in a really good mood right now._

 _London is beautiful. My goodness, it is heaven! Such gorgeous views and buildings. Especially the architecture. It does wonders for the eyes. I've met a lot of people and they have British accents too. You know how I love British accents! I always thought they were sexy. Wink. Wink._

 _I know you're wondering if I'm over Jace and all. I think I am. Tell him I said hi if you see him. I hope his team is doing well. I don't have cable here so I can't track hockey right now. Also tell him that I wish the Oilers good luck. I think about him so much Iz. About how we used to be but at the same time, I think about his happiness. I guess he's happy without me and that's okay. That's totally fine. His happiness is my reassurance._

 _I work at a library part time most of the days. It's pretty awesome. I love books and now I get a job doing just that! Sorry. I'm making this letter all about me. It's just...I'm so excited. I don't know for what but I feel there's something life is going to throw at me. Whatever it is I hope I'm ready._

 _There's someone in my circle too. He's cool. He's super hot. And he has a British accent. TURN ON. Not joking this time. He's taking the relationship slow which is something I really appreciate. He listens to me Izzy. He really does. He has beautiful eyes and a wonderful heart. Oh, and I'm not using him as pity for Jace. Just wanted you to know that. It feel different when I'm with him. I think...I think I love him. I won't tell him that, of course. I have to take steps carefully. You always taught me that._

 _Did Simon quit the band? Are they still coming up with stupid band names? If they are, here's one. Plastered Pimples. Sorry, I know. Gross. Still, I think Eric will like it. Oh! Tell the band I said hi and that I miss them. I almost forgot. There's so many things to say. They just keep slipping my mind._

 _Oh, Iz. I miss the good old days. I wish we got a warning or something that would tell us that the good days were over. I wish. I miss Jace. Tell him I still love him and that I wish him the best. I'll be visiting soon. I'd like to see you all. I want you to meet him. He's pretty eager to meet you too._

 _I love you. You're a sister to me. Forever. Keep your heart open, Isabelle. I love you._

 _Sincerely,_

 _Clarissa Morganstern_

 _PS. I would write longer but my pen is starting to run out of in_


	4. Chapter 4

_Dear love birds,_

 _I'm finally coming! I'll arrive at your apartment on October seventh, hopefully. I'm bringing my boyfriend too! Yes, you heard right. My BOYFRIEND. He's eager to meet you guys too which it totally awesome. How are you? How's Simon? I need to see you. Have you changed much? I think I sorta have but no worries. I'm still a shorty. Haha. That's probably the only time you'll hear me say I'm short._

 _Guess what? I'm currently up to date with hockey. I finally got the cable guy to give me a deal on my television set. Thank god. The Edmonton Oilers could do well with a better defense but Jace is doing awesome! Tell him that. He deserves to know. I think that once I visit, I might give the old arena a visit for a quick skate. You should come too._

 _So much time has passed. How's my mother? What about Rebecca? I'm so used to London that I feel like New York is foreign to me. I want to see the city. I'm so excited. I'll be seeing you on October seventh! Two weeks. I want a time machine so bad right now._

 _Could you ask Jace if he could come? It would be just a minute. I know he's busy with the season but maybe if he could just come by really fast? If he can't, that's alright. I just wanted to talk._

 _Anyway, don't let anyone else know I'm visiting. Just you, Simon, and maybe Jace. I'll head to my mom's afterwards. I love you. Stay beautiful._

 _Sincerely,_

 _the girl with a billion dreams_

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	5. Chapter 5

She did come. October seventh. A day I'll always remember. Simon and I had cleaned the whole apartment room, decorated the walls with streamers and new paint. It looked really nice. I took a break off work for the day and was able to cook a feast. Simon had burned the cookies but even that was okay. We still had cake. I had called Jace a week before and the conversation didn't go as planned. I kind of expected that.

"Jace! Thank god you picked up. I've got good news."

He sounded particularly tired. I didn't ask why. "What is it?"

"Clary's visiting. She wants you to come."

"What?"

"She asked if she could see you. I thought that-"

"I don't think that'll happen."

" _Fuck you, Jace._ For once, just do this one thing for me."

A quiet moment passed and I wiped the tears from my eyes. He answered with an equally regrettable, "Alright."

Clary had even called me earlier with a phone at the airport, saying she was grabbing a taxi back to my place. I didn't realize how excited I was until I felt the beating in my chest. Simon was thrumming his fingers back and forth on the wooden table. She was his best friend. As close as I'll ever get to him. I fussed about the colors of the balloons and Simon flicked my forehead in annoyance. "Shut up and stop worrying for once."

I tackled him like the Izzy I was back at high school and he laughed. I couldn't believe I had caught a fish like him in the sea. The doorbell rang and I scrambled to shake away the wrinkles on my skirt. I glanced at Simon who was sitting on the couch. He saw me staring at gave me a nod that made me grin. Then I hurried to the door and yanked it open. It was her. But it wasn't.

She looked different. But all the same too. I think we both stood staring at each other for what seemed like a long time. I crushed her with the best hug my arms could muster. She laughed and I didn't think the sound could make me happier. We pulled away and with my hands still on her shoulder, I took her full image in. She looked even more beautiful than before.

Her auburn hair was long, down her back, in wavy curls. She had her strands let down and tucked behind her ears. No make up. I already knew her enough. She'd never liked anything covering her face. Her freckles were bright, covering her cheeks and the bridge of her nose. She wore a black trench coat and a simple blue dress that reached above her knees. God, I missed her. She was my sister.

She was crying and I didn't notice that I was too until Simon pushed me away playfully so that he could embrace her. I laughed a bit and invited her in. She brought along her boyfriend and my goodness, he was his own case. He shook my hand politely and talked about football with Simon who appeared excited to find someone he could relate to. He had long brown hair and a cap atop his head. Hazel eyes and a shy smile. They sat on the couch and I brought out wine.

"Oh my god. Tell me. Everything." I said, sipping the red liquid quickly from my glass.

She laughed and the closeness of her boyfriend made me sad. It used to be Jace. I shook away the feeling just as it came. "I got my paintings sold and made money. Then I met Jordon here. The end."

I punched her and she yelped. "Oh, come on! There's more to it than that."

We talked more and more. I thought our time couldn't possibly end. Jordon was really interested in football. He had played college football for a few years. He was waiting for a call up apparently. It was weird, actually. Jace played hockey and Jordon played football. Maybe Clary liked the sporty type. Simon was bringing out snacks as he called them in to the dining room. As we were walking there, Clary leaned into my ear and whispered, her voice excited, "He's a cutey, isn't he?"

I smiled. "Whatever. I already got Si." She shrugged happily and sat at the table.

"This looks great." Jordon said, staring at the pasta and the chicken. That was my secret recipe. They dug into their plates like animals and I had to ask the last time they had a meal. Clary raised her six fingers. Six hours. I loaded up more food just in case they weren't satisfied. It felt so right. Seeing her here. Happy. Content. Door bell again.

I rush to the door and see Jace. He's standing in his jersey, shoulder pads still on. Looking massive. He gave me an apologetic smile. Tired. "Just finished practice. Couldn't change." I couldn't care less and kissed him on the cheek. Now this was perfect. His hair was still long and tawny, eyes still molten gold. My brother was here. I led him to the table and the recognition of Clary seemed to hit him like a pile of bricks. His lips parted and she rose from her seat and hugged him. A proper hug. Not a hug that was between former lovers. She glanced at his attire. She grinned. "I hear someone's getting more points than usual in the season."

He looked too surprised to answer and she sat back down, whispering something to Jordon who greeted Jace afterwards. Simon gave a shake of his head to Jace. They weren't much for friends anyway. I stared at him. He didn't look at anyone for a while. Picked at the pasta and swallowed. It was strange. Seeing him so quiet. I kept the conversation going though, ignoring his silence. After about twenty minutes, I told everyone to go back to the living room. Dessert was still being made. Simon helped with the frosting although his glasses fell in the gunk about twice. I love this idiot.

 **[x]**

She looked like a movie star. Right in front of me. How could she still give me a hug? I couldn't believe that she kept tabs on the league. And then that guy. He looked nice enough. She liked him, I think. I could tell she was happy. Her hair was longer, I realized. She was just amazing even if I didn't have feelings for her anymore. Still.

I told the group I'd be out for a few minutes to get rid of the hockey gear I was wearing. I sauntered up the stairwell of the apartment complex and reached the outdoor balcony. The wind was cold and I hadn't bothered with a jacket. My phone buzzed. A message from Raphael. It read:

 _Team bus is leaving at midnight. Be there, bro. Need to practice early._

I released a breath. I shook away the white pads from my shoulders and removed the leg pads too. Then I stared down at the city. At the small flashing lights. And the ant sized people. "It's a small world, right?"

I didn't even need to turn. "Sure is." I replied.

She walked towards the bars of the balcony. Still shorter than ever. "I'm sorry." She said, her lips pursed.

I squinted my eyes to look at her. "For what?"

"For making your life a living hell."

I laughed. "It still is a living hell." That made her smile.

"That's good. At least I'm not the cause of it."

I shook my head and grabbed the equipment from the ground. She picked up my helmet. We climbed back to Isabelle's room and it almost felt like we were together again. Almost.


	6. Chapter 6

" _She hated that she was still so desperate for a glimpse of him, but it had been this way for years."_

 **Julia Quinn**

I returned back to the arena, lugging my bags of equipment after me. Raphael greeted me, punching me roughly on the shoulder. I grinned at the gesture and trudged into the locker room, filled with the profanity of other players. They howled at the sight of me and I joined in on their conversations. Talks about the next game. The playoffs. Injury reports.

We practiced that morning in Edmonton. The game was that night. I liked playing at home where the fans hollered and kept the adrenaline up. I shot the puck a few times after the team left to change and shower. I shot into the net until my hands ached and my legs stung. Until I couldn't feel anything at all.

The game finally came and my emotions grew stronger. In this place, I was the king. I could control my emotions. Nothing could shatter me here. I gave Sebastian, our goalie, a tap on the pads. "We got this." He told me, a short smirk spreading on his face. I nodded, saying silently in my head, _I know_. I skated to the center of the ice where the puck would be dropped.

"You boys ready?" The ref asked, his voice gruff. The opponent captain nodded. I didn't say anything. Instead, we played.

They were tough, a team known for its physicality. We were up by one thanks to Luke's goal, an older veteran on the team. I jumped off the bench to start my shift, darting towards the left side of the opponent's net. I won the face-off. Passed the puck swiftly to Raph who skated forward, dodging the sticks of defensemen. I remained near the net, blocking the view of the goaltender so that Johnson, my linemate, could shoot.

Before I could even move an inch, something crashed against my back. I fell forward landing squarely on the ice. I couldn't move. It felt like hell. Did someone hit me? My eye sight was blurry. My breathing ragged. I tried to say something but couldn't. I heard the silent crowd. Players surrounded me. The ref shouted, his tone now shrill. "Medics! Get the medics!"

Raphael was there, above me, his face contorted in worry. My mouth felt numb. The staff lifted me onto a stretcher and the Rogers Center arena roared at the sight of me being helped out. Through the locker room tunnel, I fell unconscious.

 **xx**

I ran forward, my purse banging against my knees, Simon following suit. The hospital room was surrounded by doctors and nurses most of which were being heckled with questions from teammates after the game. Edmonton had won but not at the cost of an injury to their captain.

I was crying before I knew it. They wouldn't let me in. A surgery was taking place. Simon held my shoulders as I shook. I listened to the beeping of machines, my legs weak. I heard the sound of smacking footsteps and turned to see Clary and Jordon making their way towards us.

"What happened?" Clary asked, her tears were evident too. I wondered, at that moment, if some part of her still loved Jace. Jordon was holding her hand. He tugged off his cap, boots tapping nervously on the solid tiles of the hospital's hall.

I struggled to speak. "I-I don't know. I didn't watch the game. I was-I was out with Simon. Then Raphael...He called. Told me that a player had slashed Jace. On the back. He-He just fell."

Simon kissed my forehead, his brown eyes were tinged red. "Surgery now. He'll be out for the season. That's all they'll tell us." I buried my head into his chest where warmth enveloped me and it felt like nothing was wrong.

Clary walked off with Jordon, closer to Jace's room. She stood near the door, her green eyes unnaturally wide. She didn't move. Jordon bent lower to stare at her. He whispered something to her and she shook her head. He stayed, his arm around her waist and kissed her cheek. She shut her eyes against him as if the crying had drained her.

An hour had passed. Then two. Simon left to bring some food for the rest of us. Jace's coach was there. He was dabbing a wrinkled napkin on his eyes. An older man, short and stubby, who never showed much emotion outside a game. When I caught his gray eyes, I gave a tiny nod. He moved to sit near us.

It was a long process of waiting. Of patience I didn't quite have. It was nine p.m., five hours after the game. A nurse hurried to us. Simon woke me up. I stood. Clary was hugging Jordon, saying something that sounded like, "I know. I love you."

The nurse was tall with blonde hair and brown eyes that didn't look away from mine. "I-What happened?" I choked on the words.

She pursed her lips. "The surgery was a success." Simon released a breath he was holding. "But the stick struck his spine. He's paralyzed from the-" I fell to the ground just as Clary screamed. Paralyzed. I sobbed and sobbed till my throat hurt and I could no longer breathe. My brother was gone.

The coach looked lost, his beady eyes searching for something that wasn't really there. "I'm sorry. He won't be returning to his normal activities but there is a chance, a low chance, that he can regain control in the coming years." Years. My heart felt like splitting. "Please Mrs. Lightwood. Keep in mind that when he wakes, he will be disoriented and the news will be difficult, almost impossible to give. Don't show sadness. A patient needs positive energy to move forward. You can enter the-"

We ran into the small room and my hands trembled. Jordon stayed outside. Maybe he felt like he didn't belong. He wasn't a part of the circle Jace had.

He looked asleep. Handsome and young. Still twenty two years of age. His long strands of hair still not contained. I slowly walked forward as if the ground might swallow everyone in seconds. When I reached him, I placed my head against his chest just to listen to his beating heart. When I did, I cried in relief. He was there somewhere. Clary was behind us, staring at him. Like we were not there. My eyelids drooped. Simon held me up. "Come on. I'll drive home." I shook my head violently.

"I can't. He-He needs me." Simon's expression was fierce.

"The nurse said one person'll stay. Clary already volunteered. It's alright. We'll come straight in the morning. Okay?" Exhaustion let me give in silently and he pulled me along with him, my mind still on my little brother.

 **xx**

I brought myself closer to him. Scooted my chair a bit. Stared at his face. His golden halo of hair. Dark eyebrows. Angular jaw. Tears slipped passed my cheeks and I wiped them quickly. "God. I'm such a crybaby." The beeps of the machines next to me grew louder and I just wanted it all to stop.

I laid my hand on his forehead. Drew my fingers through his tawny hair. He was breathing. Alive but beaten. "Jace? Remember when we broke up?" I sniffled. "I thought- I thought the world had ended. Even when I went to London, I cried for days. Weeks. I couldn't get you out of my head. I wondered if you ever thought of me. After all-never mind. There's no point. I love Jordon. You want to know why?" I coughed, wiping my wet face furiously. "Because he's here. He stays with me. You used to leave me alone all the time. I used to get so lonely..."

I stopped. This wasn't therapy. What was I even doing? I tucked the blankets closer to him. Then brought my head against his arm and slept for all it was worth.

 **xx**

"Excuse me, Mrs..." I stirred awake and glanced around. I wiped at my eyes. They hurt and still stung.

A male nurse was speaking to me, his voice awfully gentle to hear. "He's waking, I believe. I've already called in Mrs. Lightwood. She'll be here soon. The doctors examined him while you were sleeping. Everything's okay. You might have to explain things to him."

I nodded, turning away from him to stare at Jace. I could see movement in his eyelids. "Thank you." I whispered to the staff member. I listened to his steps leave and rose to get a better look at him.

"Jace? Jace. Wake up."

His fingers twitched. I let out a strangled sob. A low sound came from his lips. I held onto him for dear life. Then his eyes opened. A dull gold. "Jace! Jace!" I cried out, my voice cracking.

He scanned his surroundings, looking confused. "C-Clary?"

"It's me." I managed to whisper.

Then the door slammed open and Isabelle and Simon rushed in, bringing me back to the situation. I moved aside as Isabelle hugged Jace and Simon spoke words of extreme relief. I stepped backwards. Looked away from Jace. Stepped into Jordon outside. "Everything okay?" He asked, his brown hair a mess. I shook my head, leaning it on his chest. "That's okay." He replied softly moving me along with him.

We stepped into his car. He didn't drive. I was still crying, my face buried in my hands. Jordon lifted my arms away. Gripped my body towards him. I could smell his cologne. Sweet. "Stop crying, love. He'll be alright, he's strong. You told me. Remember?"

I smiled a little, swiped my nose. "Yeah."

Jordon grinned. "I love you, cherie."

He always called me that. French for dearest. "I love you more." I leaned my head against the crook of his neck where his arms circled my back, soothing me to another uneventful slumber.


	7. Chapter 7

" _You think that holding someone hard will bring them closer. You think that you can hold them so hard that you'll still feel them, embossed on you, when you pull away. Every time Eleanor pulled away from Park, she felt the gasping loss of him."_

Rainbow Rowell

My hands were trembling as I rushed down the empty hall of the hospital, Simon trying to keep pace with me. A call from a nurse had informed me that my brother was due to wake up soon. My heart had inflated at the thought of seeing him awake but my mind disagreed. How would he react to the news that he couldn't walk again much less play the greatest sport in the world? I decided to just be glad that he was alright. Anything that came after was up to god.

Room 12C. I stood at the closed door, hoping my breaths could come out steady. Simon rubbed my shoulder and at the feel of his touch, I released a small sob and slipped inside the room. The walls were a boring white and in the center of the plain space was Jace, his golden eyes flickering towards us. I darted forward and caught at his hand, the tears I had locked in my orbs finally dropped down my cheeks. I was aware of Simon behind me and the machines plugged into my Jace, but I didn't care. I was with my brother. When I glanced to his face, his eyes wouldn't meet mine. He was staring at the ceiling, his lips pursed. "Jace?" I called out hesitantly. "Are...you alright?"

I realized it was a ridiculous question as I uttered the words. Of course he wasn't alright. He was paralyzed from the waist down. He wouldn't play hockey again. He wouldn't run. He wouldn't walk. In a way, he was less human than we were. "I'm sorry." I whispered. I didn't know why I was apologizing. Just that I felt I had to.

He turned to me then and his jaw was clenched tight. My brother didn't look the same. His eyes were hooded, so dark but still luminous. "Get out." It was a low mumble but I had heard him and I dropped his hand, warmth leaving my body immediately. Simon tensed from where he was standing.

"What?" My voice cracked and I sniffled, wiping the tip of my nose quickly. Somehow, I had expected something much more than this. My chest felt hollow, like I lacked oxygen to fuel my lungs.

"Leave, Iz." And I stumbled backwards, Simon catching at my elbow. I knew I was silently weeping but I couldn't stop staring at him. There were dark circles underneath his eyes. His chest was rising and falling slowly. His tawny hair was still long and curled behind his ears. He looked like Jace to me. My baby brother.

I left the room and buried my head into the crook of Simon's neck. He smelled like berries and sweet coffee. "He's just getting accustomed to the news. Obviously, he's angry. What do you expect? Give him time, Iz. Give him time." I nodded and he led me down the stairs where we could grab a bite to eat for breakfast and call relatives. Nothing felt the same. I wondered if anything would feel the same again.

 **xx**

I slowly blinked my eyes and tried to adjust them to the sunlight pouring from the bedroom window. I released a short breath and dropped my head deeper into my pillow. I turned slightly to meet Jordon's slumbering face. His eyelashes fluttered every so often. His tendrils of hair were wavelike and lapped over his forehead. I brought my fingers and brushed them along his cheeks down to his collarbone. He leaned into me almost as if he didn't notice his movements and I beamed, pressing a tender kiss just below his eye.

I rose from the bed and tugged a sheet over my bare body. I slipped into the bathroom, turned the shower switch on and ducked underneath the heated water. The hot steam made me feel like was suffocating so I pressed my head against the glass door to breathe. I didn't realize my eyes were wet until they began to sting horribly. I slapped the faucet off and slumped onto the wall behind me. I cried silently and knew for certain that it was for Jace. Somehow, my chest ached for the guy I once loved. I didn't know exactly why. I rinsed my face quickly and pulled a towel around my body. I wondered how Isabelle was feeling. I needed to call her. Make sure she and Simon were holding up okay.

The apartment Jordon and I were renting was pretty decent for its price. Two bedrooms and a bath. We didn't really use the second room and usually stuffed storage there.

I stepped over Jordon's clothing on the ground and rolled my eyes. He was always messy even here in America. "Mornin' love." He sat rubbing his eyelids, a small smile on his lips. I gave him a shy wave, self-conscious that I was naked despite what we had done the night before. "You look ravishing." I laughed and my shoulders relaxed. I sauntered over to the side of the bed and sat beside him, our sides touching. Water dripped from my wet hair and clung onto my chest.

Jordon kissed my temple, his mouth lingering on the spot for a few long moments. "Want to visit Jace later? Make sure he's alright?" The question made me sniffle like a baby. No boyfriend in the entire world would ask his girlfriend to check on an ex. I was lucky. "Oh, come on. Don't cry on me now. What's wrong?" He grabbed my arms away from my face to look at me and the towel keeping me covered fell slowly but surely.

I laughed, wiping my eyes hastily. "Boys are such perverts." Jordon's cheeks colored but he nuzzled his face into my neck. I played with his hair, my other arm tucked around his waist. I sighed. "I love you, J."

He turned my body towards his, placing me atop his lap. My wet hair touched his chest and he shut his eyes as if just being near me was enough. When his orbs focused on me again, they were a bright hazel. Mixing with lime and the sun. His lips brushed mine, soft and tentative. I lifted my hands around his neck and he moaned, a deep sound that caused goosebumps to form on my chest. His tongue teased the seam of my lips and I pecked his chin then the tip of his nose. Jordon pulled away, panting, his mouth red and swollen. We stared at each other, him in awe and me in adoration. I stood and walked to the closet. "Come on, Jordon. Get ready." He shook his head to himself but he was grinning nonetheless.

 **xx**

When we arrived at the hospital, Jordon opted to stay behind and give me time to at least talk to Jace. "I'll only be a few minutes." I reassured him. He nodded and I flicked his chest before taking the elevator upwards.

In the moments where I waited for the mechanical doors to open, my fingers tapped nervously against my lap. I bit my lip and walked towards the room then spotted the sign clinging on the rectangular knob.

 _Visitors not welcome due to patient request_

My eyebrows knit and I considered turning away and leaving but a burst of courage welled up inside of me and I pushed open the door, quickly shutting it quietly behind me so that the nurses wouldn't catch me. "Such an idiot." I mumbled to myself, softly smacking my forehead at the thought of potentially getting kicked out.

I whirled around and my lips parted. My hold on the doorknob loosened and fell limply to my side. "Jace?" He was staring at me, the light reflecting on his face. He looked tired and hopeless. No expression of greeting spoke out to me. I inched closer and when our hands were close enough to touch, I stopped.

I didn't say anything. I couldn't believe we were in the same space, breathing the same air, yet we both didn't utter a word. My green eyes went wide and the auburn hair tucked carefully behind my ears fell forward. "You look a lot better than me." He said, but his voice was dark and not humorous at all. I started to cry. I didn't hide the tears this time. My weakness was evident.

"I miss you." I said before I could stop myself. His breathing went rigid for a second. I pulled a chair from the back corner and heard it screech against the floor providing some sort of sound in the silent room.

He stared at me and I could tell he was trying to decipher my emotions. I shook my head, telling him mentally: _No, you can't. I can't even tell you how I feel._ "You came when I first woke up?"

The question surprised me and I nodded numbly. Jace looked away. It occurred to me that he appeared incredibly sad. I had never seen him like this. Not in all the time I had loved him. "I should go." I said, feeling there was no need for me to be in the room. I couldn't comfort him.

"Clary?" He called, his voice strained this time. I glanced back at him. "I don't think-I don't think I'll be the same again." I sucked in a shuddering breath. Let out a strangled cry and without thinking, hurtled myself towards the bed. I wrapped my arms around his chest and I could smell sunshine and morning breeze. I heard him take sharp intakes of breath before I could catch a glimpse of his glistening eyes.

For all the years I had spent with Jace, he had never cried. In all the arguments and even full on fights, he never gave in. Now, I watched as his face crumbled. He tried to hold in his tears by taking large gulps of air. His hand fisted from where it held strands of my hair. I listen to the rapid beats of his heart against my ears. "Shit." He muttered, his tone regretful and suddenly hard. He pushed me roughly away from him as if I was burning his skin. I stayed, a few feet away from him, in disbelief.

He turned away from me and if you looked close enough, really close, you'd notice his shoulders still shaking.

 **xx**

 **[** _Summer's here. All stories will be updated. I'll post a schedule soon on my bio! Review_ **]**


	8. Chapter 8

_"Are you serious? No milk." Jace grimaced from where he stood in between the door of the refrigerator. He glanced towards her, eyebrows raised. She was pouring some more raisin bran into her bowl. She stopped and turned to him._

 _"You're kidding. I thought you bought milk a week ago." He scoffed and rolled his eyes._

 _"You forget how many times I empty the fridge." She laughed a little and sauntered away from him. He watched her put on her coat. She was only wearing too short pajama shorts and a Hello Kitty shirt. It was still fall and the weather outside was scattered with cold winds and floating leaves._

 _"Where are you going?" He asked, knowing full well what she would answer._

 _She pointed a finger to the door, twisting with the buttons of her green coat. "Walmart, idiot. I'm not eating cereal without milk." He sighed dramatically but shoved his shoes on lazily and followed her outside. Like he had suspected, the night was quiet and chilly with crows of crickets picking at their ears._

 _She got into the front seat and he didn't argue. He slid down his window and clicked on the radio, listening to the smooth melody of alternative sang along to a song he didn't recall but whose rhythm he recognized. She tapped her fingers against the wheel, nails drumming like actually musical sticks. Her hair was unfurled and let loose magnificently down her shoulders and back. The red color was eye catching but furious._

 _The local Walmart was nearby and Clary parked into a spot. He noticed her shiver and tuck her small hands into her pockets as they walked inside the store. They were lucky it was open. It was about one a.m. Passing the automatic doors, she turned to him. "What else do we need?"_

 _He must have looked clueless because her lips cracked into a smile and she wearily shook her head, grabbing a cart before her. Upon her amusement, he pushed his shoulder so that it smacked onto hers. The store had a few people inside but it was mostly empty._

 _"Here. I got it." He took the cart and placed his feet on the bottom ledge, swinging the wheels forward childishly. Clary regarded him distastefully and lugged two gallons of milk into the cart._

 _"Hey. I got an idea." She glanced away from the chips section and over to him curiously._

 _"Hm?"_

 _"Get in the cart."_

 _"What?" Her eyes were wide. Wide and mischevious._

 _"I said get in. Come on." She checked their surroundings, only finding an old woman searching through her purse._

 _"What if-"_

 _"You know you want to." He took matters into his own hands and brought his arms around her small waist. She didn't utter a yell or shout but he heard her take a sharp intake of breath. She smelled like vanilla and cinnamon. The bare skin of her legs was cold against his. He dropped her gently inside instantly._

 _Her cheeks were warm. She criss-crossed her legs noticing plenty of room in the cart. Afterall, she was pretty small. Jace pushed the screeching wheels along. "Wait! We need bagels." He sighed but turned to the aisle on the right and snatched a bag of bread._

 _"You can go faster than that." She was grinning at him and he couldn't help but comply with her request when there was practically no one beside them. He started at a jog then kicked his legs forward until he listened to her delightful giggles and yelps. Breathing a little ragged, he stopped near the ice cream section._

 _Her hands were clutching the sides of the cart protectively but she whirled to face him from her restricted position. "That was awesome." And getting kicked out for the night was worth it too, it seemed._

 _At least they had gotten to purchase their goods before leaving reluctantly. Clary was still beaming though and told him he was a dumbass in the car. They made it back to the apartment before two and Clary filled their bowls with milk dutifully before they both sat on the couch and ate, Family Feud slowly playing in the background._

 _"Jace?" Clary swallowed her mouthful._

 _He didn't need to answer. She would always continue. "I'm gonna miss you when you get drafted."_

 _He blinked, a frown setting on his face. He opened his mouth to speak but nothing poured out._

 _She took over, not realizing his silence. "I mean..." She tucked her hair behind her ear. "I don't want to be selfish. But I feel like-" She released a frustrated breath, angry she couldn't get the words to spill from her. "I'm being selfish. I want to keep you to myself."_

 _He placed his untouched bowl on the table across from them. His fingers gave a small tremor and he curled his hands into hard fists. She looked at him then, her freckles brilliant and orange. She bit her bottom lip viciously. "I'll still be with you." It was difficult to say._

 _"I'm scared we won't be the same." She leaned as close to him as possible and he felt her breath stir his cheeks._

 _"What do you-"_

 _"We're kids now, Jace." She placed her hands onto his chest._

 _"That has nothing to-"_

 _"It has everything to do with how we'll be. You'll be a hockey player in less than a year. You know it. There's no doubt about it. And I'll still be stuck here. Waiting for you during breaks."_

 _He shook his head but her statements made his throat close up. "I'll stay with you. You know it."_

 _She exhaled and it was a sad sound. The kind of noise someone makes when they give up on trying and just accept something. A part of him deflated. "I swear. I won't change. I'll spend every minute with you. Who else could replace you?"_

 _He twirled a curl of her hair and let it drop softly back to her head. "I think I might have cried if you hadn't said that."_

 _She tucked her face into his shoulder. He felt every inch of her warm body then. The way she arched her back against his chest. How her hands tightly wrapped around her neck, afraid he would be the first to pull away. How her legs tightened atop his waist and lap. He inhaled her scent. Sweet and young and stupid._

 _They slept on the couch that night. Legs curled around one another. Hair mixing till the color was a mix of gold and crimson. Till his body was hers. And her sagging breaths were his. Till all that mattered was the space between them._


	9. Chapter 9

_Now, as we stand three feet apart and stare at each other, I feel the full distance that comes with spending so much time apart, a moment filled with the electricity of a first meeting and the uncertainty of strangers._

Marie Lu

 **xx**

It was as if everything had halted. Like god had pressed pause on their lives. They were a small circle now. No one could be let in. Somehow, Jace's accident had brought them all closer together. It was odd how tragedy shaped love. The doctor stood in front of them all. She was petite, with short brown hair and a pale face. She motioned for them to sit down. There wasn't enough space for Clary on the couch, so she situated herself on the ledge, Jordon clutching her waist. Morning light filled the office and it felt as if all was quite ordinary.

"For those who aren't aware, my name is Doctor Bollack. I'll be the one handling Jace's medical case." She paced back and forth, her fingers tapping against her legs. When she stared at them, it was as if she really cared. "I know how you must feel. And I know how much it frustrates you that people are trying to sympathize with you." Isabelle was crying in short breaths. Simon gave an apologetic look to the doctor and rubbed Isabelle's shoulders. "I don't make promises with my patients. Yet, there's always hope when it comes to being paralyzed. Yes, his condition is severe and he has a long way to go, but he might skate again." She stopped walking. Her lips were tight and formed a straight line.

Something in the way she stood so confidently made Clary believe that she knew what she was talking about. "That's what I need from you guys. Provide him with love. Keep him away from hockey and all the things he can not perform now." Simon nodded. Isabelle released a sigh.

Doctor Bollack smiled. It was a tiny gesture, but it meant a world of difference. She took a seat at her desk and shuffled through some papers. While she rummaged through the belongings, she spoke. "Now, I understand that Isabelle is his sister. Is that correct?" Isabelle raised her hand weakly. "Alright. And Simon, you are her..."

"Boyfriend." There was something else in his tone but nobody took the time to detect it.

She finally peered at Clarissa. Her eyebrows rose in question. "I-I guess I'm his ex girlfriend." It sounded so stupid and Clary, hearing how uncertain her voice sounded, felt like she didn't belong in this company. The doctor wrote something on her note pad.

"And, will he be expecting you when visits are made official?" Clary opened her mouth, but it was Isabelle who answered, her voice sure and firm.

"Yes. Her of all people."

Bollack looked slightly surprised. She didn't say anything back and pointed to Jordon. "He's my boyfriend." Clary squeezed his hand and he sent her a tentative smile in return. She wondered if he was starting to rethink his relationship with her. He hadn't signed up to be one of the caretakers of her ex boyfriend.

The meeting ended about fifteen minutes later. Each of them received a sheet of paper that wrote the schedules in which they would take Jace in and out of his hospital check-ups. They would learn about handling a wheel hair and having the strength to lift Jace around from vehicle seats to rooms at home. It was so complicated. The four of them walked into the parking lot, unnaturally quiet. Isabelle reached into her purse and tugged out her phone. Her screen lit up with a notification. She turned to Simon, her nose red and her eyebrows scrunched. "We've got a lawyer. He's already been able to get the NHL to suspend Chbosky for the rest of the season."

Simon looked angry. "The rest of the damn season isn't enough!" His hand was fisted against the window of his car.

Isabelle was tired. She didn't seem to find the words to speak back to Simon. Clary stepped forward and embraced her friend. The warmth of someone she had known for so long felt amazing. "Call me if you need anything."

They parted ways. Jordon drove home.

 **xx**

Isabelle sauntered into the guest room. She carried a tray with her. It held a peanut butter sandwich and a side of vegetables, a large glass of orange juice too. Her steps were quiet and careful. She peered inside and all that she held fell to the ground, clattering like the sound of bad music. She screamed and rushed forward, wrapping her arms deftly under her brother's armpits. She listened to Simon who was bringing the wheelchair closer to them. They lifted Jace and in a moment he was seated properly.

"What happened?" Simon asked, rubbing sweat off of his forehead. His glasses had fallen somewhere on the ground, but he didn't seem to notice.

Isabelle was on her knees scraping up the ruined food with her hands. She looked feverish, as if looking for anything to do than meet Jace's gaze. "I came into the room and found him on the ground."

"I thought...didn't we secure the chair?"

Isabelle nodded. There was a hot lump in her throat that she couldn't swallow away. "He just-I think he was on the ground for awhile. He didn't even bother calling one of us."

Simon faced Jace and saw that he was staring at his hands. His expression was unreadable.

"Let's clean this mess up." And they did.

 **xx**

"Are you heading to work now?" She watched Jordon put on his hat and jacket.

"I got a call from the shop. Mike hasn't taken his shifts today. I'll have to cover for him."

"Oh, okay." He sighed a little.

"I can stay if you want me to, Clare." She shook her head resolutely.

"No, don't." She planted a smile on her face, hoping he would believe that it was really okay.

He kissed her cheek. His hand lifted to touch her hair. "Don't smile when you don't want to." Her lips parted and whatever she had wanted to say went down the drain. Jordon turned the knob of the door and pulled it open.

"I love you." She told him.

A few moments passed and he trudged back to her as if there was a force controlling him. Involuntarily, she grinned. This time, it was real. "There you go," he whispered against her lips.

 **xx**

"Are you sure?" Simon looked around. "I can sleep on the ground if you'd like."

Isabelle pushed her hair into a ponytail and grabbed a blanket to wrap around her body. "It's okay. We'll be fine."

She was sleeping in Jace's room that night just in case anything would happen. They had already carried him onto his bed and he had instantly fallen asleep. She hadn't heard him speak since before the accident. Her muscles ached and throbbed from placing her brother onto the wheelchair and back. She needed to just shut her eyes. Faintly, she felt Simon kiss her on the forehead and his steps disappeared away.

 **xx**

 **a/n:** Sometimes an event happens and it wakes you up. You realized you've lived leisurely and that your problems are insignificant when looking at the big picture. That event was the Parkland shooting. I can't form the words or the emotions for those affected. I'm sorry. I raise my hand to hold yours. You're not alone. We will fight and never forget.


	10. Chapter 10

_"We'll never be as young as we are tonight."_

Chuck Palahniuk

She parked her car slowly and tugged her key out of the ignition. She stared at herself in the rearview mirror. She looked as worried as she felt. Clary wondered momentarily if the back seats held enough space for a wheelchair. Never in her life would she have imagined that she'd need to help Jace stand up or even walk. Her hands were clammy. She rubbed them against her jeans in disgust. Before she could rethink her decisions, Clary stepped outside and used a key to unlock Isabelle's house. Now that they were all considered caretakers, it was necessary that they have a copy to where Jace would reside.

When she was inside the living room, she found him near a couple of framed pictures. He was staring at them as if he had never seen them before. "Jace?" She called out.

He looked awkward as he placed his hands on the wheels and turned so that he could face her. He still wasn't used to it. She tried not to show any expression of sadness. She had to hold herself together.

"Alright." She said to herself. She brought her small hands on the handles of the wheelchair and pushed him outside. She wanted to talk to him, but what was there to say? They were in different worlds now.

When they got as close as they could to the passenger's seat, Clary quickly opened the door and lifted the sleeves of her jacket. She bent down to him, her long hair tickling his face. She placed her arms under his pits and lifted him just high enough that she could pull him into the vehicle. The scent of him engulfed her completely. He smelled like he always had. Like rich cologne and lemon. She could feel him trembling. He couldn't seem to handle the hold she had him in. He was using all his upper weight to keep from falling. With a grunt, she gently laid him on the car seat. Jace realized his hand was still clasping her arm and he let it go as if it hurt him to do so.

Clary wiped her forehead and he buckled in his seat belt. She turned to his wheelchair and pressed a few buttons before she folded it up. A quiet whimper made her whirl to face him. His eyes were tightly closed. "Clary." Her name from his tongue was such a familiarity it would've made her cry if not for the fact that he was pointing to his waist. She realized the problem instantly. She had laid him too close to the middle compartment and it was digging into his thigh. "I'm sorry." She kept repeating. She carefully leaned atop him, trying not to make their positions uncomfortable. His chest pressed against her side and her hands leaned on his arms. Flushing, she pulled away from him. "Is that fine?"

Without looking at her, he nodded.

 **x**

As they rode to the hospital, she put on the radio. The station was playing some Imagine Dragons. Absentmindedly, she sang along and tapped her fingers against the steering wheel. Every so often, she would peer at Jace and find him watching their surroundings. He didn't appear particularly sad. He looked like he was an outsider. Before he could notice her, Clary glanced away and focused on the road.

When she reached the parking lot, she attempted to stop at a handicapped sign. It was Jace's harsh voice that awakened her.

"No. Don't park there." He was finally gazing at her, his tawny orbs furious.

"What do you-"

"Park at a normal spot. Just fucking park at a normal spot." The tone of his demand made her shrink and she did as she was told, her hands trembling slightly.

She hurried out of her seat and set up the wheelchair. It was getting easier the more she managed it. Now, the hard part came. Clary wasn't weak, but Jace's mass was ultimately all muscle and she struggled to carry him an inch. Tying her hair back into a ponytail, she gathered her arms under his armpits and lugged him into the wheelchair. Once every bolt was screwed and he remained quiet, Clary released a breath. "I know I'm slow," she mumbled. "But I'll get better, I promise."

He didn't reply.

 **xx**

In the hospital, she wheeled Jace into the elevator and into the room where he would be treated. Dr. Bollack greeted her with a smile and asked her to wait outside while they were in session. Clary found a chair next to the room and sat down, nibbling on the tips of her fingers, waiting for Jace to return.

It didn't take long. Just an hour. She rose when she met Jace's gaze. There were dark circles under his eyes. She must have stared at him for too long for he looked down at his hands suddenly, as if they interested him.

"I'll see you guys, Tuesday." Dr. Bollack said, managing a small wave in their direction.

Clary wondered what had gone on in the room. Had they been talking? Had he done a physical check-up? The more she thought about it, the more she realized how hopeless she was being.

As they exited the hospital and reached the parking lot, she asked, "Would you like something to eat?"

"No." He answered, curt and fleeting.

Her eyebrows knit. "What about Taco Bell or McDonalds? I can even coo-"

"Stop. Just stop. I said no."

She halted the wheelchair's movement and stared at the back of his head. "I'm just trying to help." Her voice broke off at the end.

Clary must have triggered something inside him for he replied, "Just do what you have to do. I don't want pity. You're being a pain in the ass."

The poison in his words reminded her of their past arguments as a couple and she was glad he couldn't see her. She wiped her eyes briefly and settled him into the car.

As she drove, the car alerted her of an incoming phone call. She clicked on the screen and listened to Jordon's voice. Her spirits lifted. "Hey babe. I just wanted to check up on you, see how everything is going."

"Everything's okay, J. Don't worry. Are you still at home?"

"No. Had to go to the shop." She heard shuffling in the background. "Blimey, it's cold in here. George! George, would you raise the temperature?"

"Jordon?"

"Oh, sorry Clare. George is being an idiot."

"I just wanted to know if I could swing by and visit. I don't have much to do for the rest of the day..."

"Of course. I'll wait for you."

"Okay. Love you."

"Love you too, shortie."

Clary ended the call and realized Jace had been exposed to the entire conversation. How could she be so stupid? Her shoulders slumped and she rode on, wanting to apologize but not knowing why.

 **xxx**


	11. Chapter 11

**Finally, some consistency!**

 _Hi, readers! I'm super sorry that this isn't an update. I really apologize if you hoped it was. Anyway, everyone has been asking me to update a bunch of stories as quick as possible. Others have complained that something is seriously wrong with me because of my long periods without update. I finally came up with a schedule. I'll try to be as stern as possible with the dates provided, but I'm entering SENIOR YEAR and kind of need to get my shit together._

 _I've got a bunch of AP work and a lot of decisions I need to make before college life. I hope, dearly, that you understand. ALL, and I mean ALL, stories will be updated. I don't care how old they are and how many reviews I receive._

 _One last thing, before your brains get tired of this. If you haven't noticed, the Mortal Instruments community is lowering in the amount of new writers and new stories being created. I constantly read new stories where there are literally no reviews. The author, despite this, continues to update. I saw a story the other day that possessed about five chapters. There were no reviews. I don't want to be a bitch and I have no right to demand something of you, but if you want to continue to read fanfictions about your favorite characters, why aren't you contributing?_

 _Why is it that authors have to work hard to write things for you? To satisfy you? A few years back, the TMI community was flourishing. Now, the latest updates are hours ago. And I mean, like, 10 hours ago. So I'm done ranting over shit I know people obviously don't care about._

 _If you got anything out of this, it's that you should review. You don't always have to give a compliment. You can give constructive criticism. You can suggest ideas and styles. You are basically helping authors grow!_

 _Without further ado, here's my schedule. It'll be on my bio, but I don't think anyone has the time to visit that page._

 **Are You Gonna Stay?** (A fanfic based off of Vance Joy's [Riptide]. Clace. Four-shot.)

*Every Tuesday*

[complete by the 4th of September]

 **Bandaids** (Clarissa Fairchild, a young woman who desperately needs money to help support her grandma, decides to become a housekeeper for the Herondale Manor. Trying to achieve her dreams by following a beaten path, Clarissa realizes that this particular job may affect her personal life more than she would like. Clace.)

 **You Look Like Hell** (A Clace fanfic based on Melanie Martinez's [Soap].)

 **Did You Forget About Me?** (As a child, Jace loses his mother and father on the same night. With no one left to depend on, he is forced into an orphanage, one that seems unwelcoming. There he meets a certain annoying girl. She kept talking to him but he liked listening. They become friends, well sort of, more or less. But the problem he didn't know he'd have to face in the orphanage was: Separation.)

 **Let's Just Lie Under a Thousand Stars** (When Clarissa Fray, a smart but spirited student who never seemed to lose passion for anything, meets Jace Herondale, a youthful man who seems too cold for anyone to ever love, she finally discovers why you don't touch broken or shattered glass. You wound yourself along the way. "You can't just apologize for every little thing and expect me to come back everyday. You just can't.")

*Every other Thursday*

 **Erasing the Ghost Inside (** Jace's younger brother, William, is getting married and he needs support with planning. Traveling across the globe, Jace does not expect to grow fond of his brother's future wife, Clarissa. Clace. Angst.)

 **My Lovely Sin** (He is a nobleman, cruel and stern. Wealthy and strong. When he purchases a certain servant, he does not expect to fall in love with an individual he believes is a mistake to the world. Clace.)

 **Because I'm Curious Why** (A break up. Its effects. Clace. Snippet: [That's all. I'm leaving. It's over. Whatever we had, it's clearly gone now. You must have noticed, babe. We weren't gonna last. No one will. I won't end it with an I love you because I truly don't and it would be lying. Stay strong. Jace Herondale x])

*First of Every Month*

 **This Light is Fading** (Kagome Higurashi is determined to join the Survey Corps. There she meets Erwin Smith who abruptly appoints her to Levi Ackerman's team. As she journeys with her Captain and her companions, she is constantly reminded of a miko in an era she does not remember. Trying to recollect the memories she receives, Kagome must find a way to understand who she once was and who she will be.)

 _Sorry AoT fans, I'll be sure to continue updating. I'm coming back! Don't lose hope!_

*Every Friday*

 **In Wine There is Truth** (Set in the late Middle Ages, two sisters venture into the path of royalty. Clarissa, a fierce fighter finds herself watching her sister, her closest confidant, take the throne. Placed in the highest positions of the Alicante Kingdom, the two women discover themselves falling in love with the same man, the King. History/Angst/Action. Clace.)

 **Shooting Star** ("Why won't you fucking wake up when I need you? You're always asleep." In a fit of rage and defeat, he placed his head into the crook of her neck and cried until his heart hardened again. Clace.)

*Every Other First of the Month*

 **Forgive Me For I Have Sinned** (Clarissa Adele, a soon to be queen, must take the throne of a kingdom who hates her very soul. There she meets a young man, a courageous one, who tries desperately to save his family. On the way, he must unravel the queen's past and perhaps begin something worth fighting for. Clace.)

*Every other Saturday*

 **Onward, We Go** (Clace. An office story.)

 **I Drank Until I Saw You Next to Me** (Clarissa Morgenstern, a runaway, wakes up in a white van with four strangers, one of whom is a golden eyed drug addict. Clarissa forms a connection with him as an adventure is in the making. Clace.)

 **False Image** (A bad girl. A bad boy. A bullying incident gone wrong. [Clace] [Angst])

*Infrequent Updates*

 **She Needed the Saving** (Jace ached to get closer to the baffling girl but she always disappeared when he would find the courage to step forward. She always surprised him with stupid and sometimes weird habits. She left him dumbfounded but fascinated. "Maybe she runs away so fast for the fun of having me catch up.")

 **I May Not Believe in Him, But I Believe in Her** (Jace is supposedly forced to attend church even though he isn't much of a believer. There, he meets the daughter of the Pastor. She's a reckless liar and a careless thrill-seeker, but he likes her nonetheless. "Are you coming with me or not?" She asked him, irritated with his inability to make a decision. He took her hand. "Let's get the fuck outta here." Clace.)

*The 15th of Every Month*

 **I Can Only Remember His Lips** (He loses his memory. She tries to make him remember. Clace.)

 _Does anyone even want this updated. If so, send a PM or a review._

 **We Just Clicked** (Clarissa Morgenstern lives a life that revolves around darting corner to corner as Mr. Herondale's manager. Signing papers, meeting with companies, and even taking the job of comforting her companion. Though this was quite grueling, she'd do a lot for her fair eyed workmate. On hiatus.)

 **Ma'am!** (A barely managing man and a proudly engaged woman. Clace.)

*Every Other Sunday*

 **The Getaway to Nowhere** (When Jace Herondale's soon-to-be-wife, Clarissa Fairchild, leaves him a month before their wedding, he is left with the two week cruise they had planned for their honeymoon. Taking a major risk, Jace decides to search for a woman by his fiance's name so that she may bring reassurance to him and attend the cruise with him. A ridiculous idea. A hell of a lot of consequences. Clace.)

 **Sincerely, Yours** (5 teenagers spend a Saturday morning in detention. Based off of the 1985 film: The Breakfast Club. Clace. Sizzy. Jaia.)

 **Let's Be Nothing** (Clary works an on and off again job. She talks to on and off again friends. She even loves an on and off again boy named Jace. Clace. Angst.)

*Infrequent, most likely on a Friday*

 **I'm Used To It** (A blind girl manages to make a neglected boy see. Angst. Clace.)

*Every Monday*

 **Only One of Us Can Stay** (When all options fail, a support group is her last hope. Clace. Angst.)

 **You Are the Medication That Keeps Me Alive** (Tessa Gray, one of the only warlocks to survive after the Great War, is captured by King Edmund who seeks her power for his own good. Caged in a prison and tortured all the while, Tessa is faced with the King's son, William, who seeks to free her despite his hard demeanor. Wessa.)

*Infrequent Updates*

 **Don't Get Too Close** (She's gone through a lot. He has too. But in the end, they're just too catastrophic and destructive to love one another. Clace. Angst.)

 **THE-TRUTH-IS** (It was simple. He wrote his feelings on one page. She wrote her feelings on the other. The only rule was that they were no allowed to see each other's entries. The rule was a promise they would both keep. That is...until the day she decides to leave and he is abandoned with only a tattered book he is tempted to finally read. Clace. Angst.)

*Last Weekend of Every Month*

 **There's No Beginning Here** (She can try to hide, but one of these days, someone'll find her. Clace.)

 **Go Out and Start Again** ("Clare! He's 21. He doesn't need protecting anymore! What are you trying to protect him from?" Simon shouted. She swallowed and answered quietly. "The entire world." Clace. Angst.)

 **Writing Extravaganza** (One-shots written of your choosing. Drop a review or PM me for requests and I will write them here. [Clace] [Malec] [Sizzy] [Jaia])

*Based on Amount of Reader Requests*

 **Melody** (A chance meeting leads a stubborn woman and a musician down the path of love. Clace. A Titanic story.)

 **Walking Around Aimlessly** (The date is September 1952. Clarissa Fairchild is a papergirl, sending and delivering newspapers to her fellow neighbors. On one trip she discovers Jonathon Herondale and something inside her unravels. Clace. Tragedy/Romance)

 **My Thorns Are Still Sharp** (Clarissa Morgenstern is the goddess of jinx, exiled by all the gods and punished to live in the mundane world. There lives Jace Herondale, an ordinary human with the ability to see her. Trying to stay under the radar of the gods, Clarissa finds herself in the center of an issue that threatens all of Olympus and must drag the boy with her in search of a solution. Clace.)

*Every Other Wednesday*

 **Far Far Away** (Jace, a fallen soldier, leaves Clarissa, his fiance, a series of videos to watch.)

 **I Miss You More At Night** (A struggling but well known actor must film a movie despite the issues in his life. But just as he thinks another movie could higher his status, the actress he must film with seems to have other ideas. And maybe, just maybe, something is found along the way. Clace.)

*Every Sunday*

 **City Lights** (Who knew a text message at 4:00 AM in the morning could reunite ex-lovers from four years back? Clace.)

 **Save Our Souls** (Two teens chat through the website: [StrangersForHelp]. In this site, people across the globe try to communicate in order to solve their issues, creating a digital friendship. Clarissa Morgenstern and Jace Herondale find themselves chatting with one another with hidden names until they build their own world. Soon, they decide to meet. Digital universe and reality clash. Clace.)

 **You Call the Shots, Babe** (Jace would come and we kind of all knew the reason why. We knew he wanted to see us. But mostly, above all else, we knew he came for Clarissa Fairchild. [Clace] [Angst])

*As soon as I can, whenever I can*

 _The schedule is subject to change. If and when it does,_

 _I will give you a notice and explanation._

 **All one-shots/two-shots/three-shots are infrequent. They will definitely be finished.**

PM me for any questions and concerns!

 **SNEAK-PEAK OVER FUTURE FICS**

 **We, Dumbledore's Army:** After the success of the second wizarding war, no one expected the sudden disappearances of prominent wizards and witches. Desperately using Hogwarts as a haven for protection, the wizarding world is slowly decreasing as the remains of the Dark Lord's minions grow. A solution is proposed. Two individuals lead the charge, chosen by the existing professors. Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. Dumbledore's army is revived. Dramione. [Harry Potter]

 **Scattered Amongst the Stars:** She's the head of the vampire clan. He's the Alpha of the werewolves. Clace. [The Mortal Instruments]

 **The Last Prayer:** He finds her on the ground, surrounded by hungry titans. From there, she's his and his alone. Levi/Kagome. [Attack on Titan]

 **Crows:** He's the leader of the Alicante thieves. She's a poor villager who steals for her next meal.

Clace. [The Mortal Instruments]

 **One Summer:** They can only see each other at camp. They take what they can get. Clace. [The Mortal Instruments]

 **These Tiny Glimpses:** Levi's getting dreams of her. Tired and exasperated, he searches for the woman that is taking over his mind. Levi/Kagome. [Attack on Titan]

 **Relapse:** She's suffering and he's got to do anything to take the burden away from her. Hinny. AU. [Harry Potter]

...

More later!

 _Thanks for reading. Any suggestions or comments are absolutely welcome. Sorry again, if you thought this was an update._

 **A question most readers ask me:** Why are all your stories sad?

 **Answer:** They're not necessarily sad, they're just true. I try to make all my stories as raw and honest as possible. I will not sugarcoat things. I will not have happy endings where there shouldn't be. My biggest inspiration comes from a fanfic writer named KissingFire. She basically wrote the truth in her TMI fics and whatnot. So yeah. Cheers!

 _Bye!_


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